mek_uncut

it's been a while. been to greece. passed exams. still a failure in the fat department though.

today i have eaten

two vegemite sandwiches
a HUGE skinny latte
a piece of dry toast

and i'm done for the day. so all in all pretty good effort (considering how badly i've been doing)
40 pounds to lose

i will get there

i will look AMAZING

xoxoxox love to all of you
i'm feeling unusually positive

for the past week i've eaten in excess of 2500 calories. do you know why? because i put a friggn time limit on my weight loss. now i'm two weeks away from my trip with zero progress. well you know what? fuck dieting for a holiday. that's not what i'm about. i'm about perfecting every day. being able to look at the day and saying, "wow i really ate as little as possible. mission success". working out how many pounds of fat i could lose in x amount of weeks, or workig out when i could "factor in" a choccie bar doesn't work. i am addicted to food and i've been avoiding this issue. that's why i haven't been on livejournal in a zillion years. exams, school, family, friends have stressed me enough so i seriously don't need my weight to be on my mind too. i will reach perfection. i don't know how many pounds perfection is but when i reach it i will know. i don't need to be thin for a three week holiday. i need t be amazing all year round, all my my life. i'm never eating from the pantry again. the fucking pantry is the root of all evil. my bitch mother won't hassle me about eating too much, she'll beg me to eat more. instead of having the best boobs in my friendship group, i'll have the most slender hips and tummy. i can't wait. i'll wear little black sheaths and shifts with oversized sunglasses and scarves and look immaculate groomed. there is nothing trashier than boobs and a pooch. people will look at me and wonder how i ca have it all. tis is a life choice, not a diet plan. ana i love you. welcome back into my life.
i'll start my day with yogurt
eat a carrot and lunch
and then i'll sip water all day
and pick at dinner
i'll complain i'm feeling "funny" and "can't stomach any more"
i don't care if i'm sent to a million specialists to find the root of the problem. i am going to be a fucking twig. i deserve this. i can work hard.
My fat friends will describe me as the "thin" one.
Everything in my wardrobe will read XS

thin is always in

i'm not perfect now, but i'm closer than i was yesterday

i'll be able to see my beautiful bones

i won't be "curvy" or fleshy as i like to call it. i'm gonna be angular and sharp.

i'm smart enough to trick my body

i'll be small for the first time in my life

it all begins as of right now.


xoxoxox

eating two large lemons pretty much "cleanses" my entire system. and they're on the list of neg calorie foods (not that i particularly believe in that).

just a little tip for those who want to lose 2 pounds in fifteen minutes lol

xoxoxox love you aaaall

( just a rant about my shit week. don't read if you're a drug user coz i don't want to offend you )
well i just found out my god-brother (who's like my big brother) has been doing coke and is having some psychotic episodes which is why he's fighting with his brother (my other big brother). he was my confident, the person i went to for advice. he would drive me home when i was drunk and not get me into trouble with my parents. he would give me boy advice. he would be at my door in five minutes if i needed him and would always say "you're my little sister. i'll always look after you." well this is the five millionth time he's let me down. he has no excuses this time. if he doesn't get help i don't think i can ever see him again because the sad thing is, i'm scared of him now. just saying it has made me burst into tears. i feel sick. his brother lives in london so i only get to see him once or twice a year (luckily i saw him last night). when i was with the brother i txted him and told him that was it for me if he kept using because i couldn't be around someone so toxic when i have problems of my own. he said "mek you need me. i know you're still struggling with an ed. i can help you". when my dad, the the professor of psychology, sees him this weekend for an intervention i'm coming too and i'm going to look him straight in the eye and say, "this is goodbye for now. you have to earn my trust. i relied on you and then you tried to emotionally blackmail me. this isn't you. this is the drugs. i miss you." i hope he comes around because i do really need him

Is your hair up?: yup
Is your phone right beside you?: nope
Do you have a bf/ gf?: noooo
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: hell yeah
Do you have plans for tonight?: nup.
Are you wearing makeup?: yuh but it's probably all wiped off slowly
Are you wearing chapstick?: nah i HATE chapsticks
Are you cold?: no i'm wrapped up
Are you tired?: yeeees
Are you excited?: nah babes
Are you watching t.v.?: it's on but i'm not watching it
Are you wearing pajamas?: jeans. close enough
Who's the last person you IMed?: never im
Who's the last person that called you?: alex

PAST

Anything you regret?: can't regret
Ever lied?: i lied like ten seconds ago lol
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: ew no
Ever spit at someone?: ew no
Ever kick something living?: probs my little bro when we were like toddlers lol
Ever had your nails done?: all the time
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: no that would be horrible

LAST WEEK

Had any plans last week?: yersh
Who did you see most last week?: school friends
Was last week interesting?: so-so

TODAY

Have you cussed?: most likely
Have you yelled at someone?: can't remember but probably
Have you gotten mad at someone?: yerp
Have you cried?: nah
Have you called more than 3 people?: nah
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: nah
Have you eaten anything gross?: yes D:

SPILL YOUR GUTS

Q. First thing you did this morning?: get dressed

Q. Last thing you ate?: soup

Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?: GOING TO GREECE IN 6 WEEKS YEAH BABY HAVE TO LOSE 8 KILOS!

Q. What's annoying you right now?: being so fat

Q. What's the last movie you saw?: funny face

Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: nope

Q Where is the last place you went?: greek school

Q: Who is the last person you called?: aunt

Q: Been cheated on?: i friggn hope not

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?: um no...

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): of a choice of evils choose none, of goods choose all- Buddha

Q: Do you wish on stars?: nope.

Q: Does it work?: nope

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: nope. so lazy

Q: When did you last cry?: bout three weeks ago

Q: Do you like your handwriting?: it's scrappy and illegable but yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?: at first. then i have to decide whether i like you or not :P

Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?: numerous

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?: my own

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?: black

Q: Do you have any pets?: no but i reaaaaally want a cat

Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?: white

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?: studying and posting pa waiting room!

Q: last person you talked to: dad

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?: he's right in front of me lol. if only he knew what i was doing...

Q: Look to your left: wall. meh

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?: nope

Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?: yes

Q: Song that makes you cry?: a couple of greek songs

Q: Are you a normally happy person?: hyperactive more like it

Q: Is your self-esteem low?: to the point of non-existent. i never let on though

Q: What color are your eyes?: dark brown

Q: Long or Short Hair: longish

Q: Current Music?: Technologic- daft punk

dear ana,

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack


xoxox mietta

You're feeling: motivated
To your left: wall
On your mind: exercise
Last meal included: a lemon and a carrot
You sometimes find it hard to be: relaxed
The weather: coldish
Something you have a collection of: harpers bazaar mags
A smell that cheers you up: tea and equal. it means i'm resisting a binge
A smell that can ruin your mood: chocolate
How many days since you last shaved: two. ew lol
The current state of your hair: gross
The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): laptop
Your skill with chopsticks: masterful
Which section you head for first in a bookstore: cook books
Something you're craving: skinnyness
Your general thoughts on the presidential race: obama is my home boy. but i'm australian
How many times have you been hospitalized this year: none
Favourite place to go for a quiet moment: bedroom
You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: singer
Something that freaks you out a little: clowns
Something you've eaten too much of lately: nutella
You never want to: be this fat again
Where is your cell phone? next to me
Your significant other? is currently a mystery
Your hair? is usually ok but today is awful
Your mother? is at work
Your father? is working
Your favorite thing? partying with friends or shopping.
Your dream last night? never dream
Your favorite drink? coffee
The room you're in? lounge
Your ex? is an ex for a reason
Your fear? ot reaching my gw
Where do you want to be in 6 years? traveling or at uni
Where were you last night? home
What you're not? pretty
One of your wish list items: size two jeans
Where you grew up? melbourne, aus
The last thing you did? tea and equal
What are you wearing? school uniform
Your TV? bold and the beautiful lmao
Your pets? used to have a cat :(
Your life? is boring
Missing someone? always
Your car? dad's saab?
Something you're not wearing? size 2 jeans
Favorite Store? olrik. amazing shoes
Your summer? is coming in 7 weeks because i'm going to greece!!!
Like someone? nope. no time to thik of someone
Your favorite color? pink
When is the last time you laughed? i laugh til it hurts about 500 times a day thanks to my friends <3
Last time you cried? two thursdays ago and it was random

Greek singer Despina Vandi who i am SUCH a huge fan of. she's amazingly talented and has the best bod ever. changing my dp to one of her

i'm going to start posting every time i eat. part of an "eat and receive public humiliation" thing. so there'll be multiple posts.

i'll tell y'all how it goes before bed tomorrow.

goal is 700 cal.


we'll see

xxxxx

dear mietta,

you have ruined my life with your lack of control. what is wrong with you? you know you can't go on looking like this. you are a failure. maybe you'll deserve to eat at 105 pounds but probably not. you don't want to go back to what you are now. i thought you had so much potential. you've let me down.

i am willing to forgive you and stick by you forever more if you promise to just bit the bullet and do the 2468. i also expect you to effing move your fat ass when you go to the gym. if you do as i say you will free yourself and be cleansed from these horrific impurities.

don't give in to temptation, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

xoxox ana

spell your name backwards] atteim
[age] 16
[where do you live] Melbourne, Australalalala
[four words that sum you up] completely and utterly mad
[hairbrush] paddle brush and fine tooth comb
[jewelry] diamond earrings, chunky silver cuff, diamond ring and my cross
[pillow cover] Multi-coloured polka dots
[coffee cup] white with orange stripes
[shoes] atm schools shoes, but i have eight pairs of four inch black heels
[piercings] just my ears
[clothes you're wearing now] school uniform

MIXED QUESTIONS:

[wishing] to be beautiful and skinny and waaaay smarter
[after this] going to gym
[talking to] noone
[eating] less than 800 cal per day
[fetishes] none that i know of
[some of your fav. movies] anything with Audrey Hepburn, Funny Face is my favourite
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months] Going to Greece in eight weeks
[last thing you ate] a peice of multigrain bread
[something you're hella afraid of] heights
[if you could have any animal as a pet what would it be] a tiger. grrrrrr... :P
[three cities you wouldn't mind relocating to] Paris, Rome or Athens
[fav. food] i just love food
[something you wish you could understand better] maths
[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time] my cousins in greece
DO YOU:
[like candles] yes
[like incense] yes
[believe in love] i feel like i should
[believe in soulmates] nope
[believe in love at first sight] nope
[believe in forgiveness] depends what they did lol
[want to get married] don't mind
[want to have kids] don't think so
[believe that you know the person that you'll marry at this point in time] i hope not! all my guy friends and exes are so not marriage material

IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU:

[cried] no
[bought something] no
[gotten sick] nope
[sang] yes
[eaten] yes
[been kissed] nope
[felt stupid] i am stupid :P
[wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't] nope.
[met someone new] no
[moved on] from what?
[missed an ex] hell no.
[talked to someone you have a crush on] no
[had a serious talk] yerp. didn't go too well
[missed someone] yes
[hugged someone] i pretty much hug someone every ten minutes
[fought with your parents] surprisingly no
[dreamt about someone you can't be with] no no no

SOCIAL LIFE:

[best girl friend(s)] my best friend i've had since i was 3, then i have my two best friends at school since yr 7 and i have a circle of about 11 good friends at school.
[best guy friend(s)] my boys lol they know who they are. been my besties since we were five
[boyfriend/girlfriend] no boyf
[hobbies] gym, shoe shopping lol
[pager/cell] we call in a mobile down here
[are you the center of attention or wallflower] with friends i'm the COA but with family i'm very much the wallflower
[car you drive] my dad drives me in his saab...
[would you rather be with friends or on a date] at a party with friends, then get boys number then go on a late date. lol i can have my cake and eat it too!
[job] student
[attend church] noooo
[like being around people] my friends and cousins
HAVE I:

[ever been kissed?] Yes
[done drugs?] no
[alcohol?] yerp
[drove under age?] nah
[had sex?] not yet
[stayed up all night?] at least once a week
[skipped school?] no. i'm an angel :P
[gotten into a fist fight?] never
[had braces?] no
[loved someone (besides family)?] yes

a word that describes me

fleshy


but once i reach my gw


tiny

this is, so help me god, what i will look like in June



i am worth more than a piece of cake or a takeout meal. nothing can ever taste as good as thin does. The flesh covering my beautiful bones is the only sickness i have. I will heal myself.

i am not obliged to eat if i don't want to. my aim in life is not to please my fat enabling friends and family.

xoxox stay strong

Wake up

100x sit ups
100x leg lifts
100x squates and lunges

Breakfast: skinny latte


Lunch: skip. 2lt of water


After school: Gym workout


Dinner: Protein plus vegetables

After dinner: 1lt of water

Total intake: approx 600 cal



Rules- No carbs except for some brown rice
- Calories will not exceed 700, ever
- No processed foods
- Exercise will be daily
- I will not binge


Goals: I will be 125 pounds by Europe
I will be 115 pounds by my 17th birthday

I swear on my life this is the fattest i will ever ever ever be. I've made a journal to essentially "vent" all about my ED because i need support/motivation. This has been a battle for me for all 16 years of my life and recently I felt the control slip from me. Well, that's never going to happen again.

Trying to join pro ana community but i'm scared i'm too fat. fingers crossed it'll all go through!!

xoxox